Approaching Walmart, I was spouting orders as fast I could while staying on the road.
“Now kids, LISTEN to me! Behave like gentlemen.”
(No offense to my one little girl, but she gets lumped in with “the guys” many times.)
There came a single reply.
“But we’re not gentlemen.”
Sighing inwardly, I met honesty with steely resolve.
“You will be.”
At least by the time I get done with you, son . . .
My idea of Walmart is slightly different from my boys’. They would love nothing more than to take off their shoes and slide down the aisles in their socks. Wrestling in front of the cheese department would be right down their alley. Laying on the bottom rack of my shopping cart would give them great pleasure – especially when you could reach out and grab the ankles of unsuspecting customers.
However, I’m trying to raise gentlemen. And gentlemen never grab ankles. Ever.
Of course, I suppose I could always leave them at home or a babysitter’s house, but then who knows what havoc they might wreak the first time they went through Walmart. No, it’s better I train them now – from tiny on up. Your children might come already programmed to walk through the grocery store without causing heads to turn . . . but mine have needed training. And while I don’t like to do training in the public’s eye, sometimes there’s no getting around it. How can they truly learn unless they are in the middle of it?
Before we head into a public place, we have a conversation that goes like this:
“Ok, kids. What are the rules?”
Bored little voices who have said these rules umpteen times reply:
“No wrestling, no touching each other, no getting on the floor, no begging for stuff.
Behave.
No sliding on the floor.”
However, there is no way I can make up a rule for every behavior. Those all go under “behave.” One time I was naive enough to not give them another rule: no sliding your shoe boxes on the floor to see whose goes the fastest. Silly me, why didn’t I think of that? Or this one: do not eat candy off the floor. Shudder. I do not need to say how much that last one grossed me out! What is it with the floor and my children?
In case you haven’t guessed by now, we are still very much in the training stage of this learning curve. But we’re not giving up!
I personally like to go shopping when there will be the least amount of people there. I don’t feel as stressed, and I can take the time to explain why certain behavior is acceptable or not. These are just some of the things I’m trying to teach my children as we do our weekly shopping:
- Be courteous. If an elderly lady drops something, pick it up for her. When someone needs the door held open, hold it for them. If somebody speaks kindly to you and I’m around, respond politely. They all know the “no talking to strangers” rule, but if I’m right there, they are encouraged to reply like gentlemen and ladies. However, my children can sometimes talk a strangers ear off, so that is also when I must put the brakes on and remind them that you don’t need to tell everybody everything.
- Watch where you’re walking. I don’t know what possesses them, but my children have a real problem with this. They are absorbed in looking at what we’re passing or what their sibling is saying and will sometimes walk right into someone coming from the opposite direction. I cringe every time….but it is usually helped by the next rule.
- Walk behind Mom. Usually Derek, our 11-year-old, pushes the cart while I lead the way. Between him and I, there is supposed to be a string of littles walking in a nice straight line. That’s my dream, anyway. Their perception of “straight line, behind Mom” rule does not match mine. Hence, many times I must stop the whole procession and remind them to once again walk behind me. This keeps them out of other customers ways and I know where they are at all times.
- No begging. There is nothing that can dampen a mother’s enthusiasm for training her littles than when she has five kids that beg for something on every aisle. They are allowed to ask respectfully one time, and then I will answer. Sometimes they have saved me a few grey hairs by remembering items that forgot to make it to my grocery list. But begging for toys and candy over and over is not allowed. We deal with toys in the next training exercise . . .
- Learn to spend your money wisely. Our children are not given an allowance. We feel it’s best to require chores simply as being part of the household. But there are certain extra jobs that are available to them if they want to earn money for toys, arrows, or other items. This money they earn is then divided three ways: 50% goes to their store (which they can spend), 40% goes to a savings bank account in each child’s name, and 10% goes to tithe. So once their “store” gets enough in it, I will let them know in advance that if they want to take their spending money along on grocery day, they are welcome to do so. This is such a rich lesson in learning to use their money wisely. After trial and error, they are coming to realize that some items they purchase don’t last long or lose their pleasure quickly. Sometimes they will save up their spending money for months with a goal in mind. We highly encourage that they think deeply before spending their money. What they don’t learn now . . . . they must learn later – and with worse consequences.
- Everyone helps unload the cart and carry in groceries. Having five children can truly be a blessing when it comes time for all the lifting and loading! Think of it like this: you now have ten arms, plus your own.
- Learn to use a public restroom the right way. This is one that is very important to me! When my boys were little, I did not trust them enough to use the men’s restroom by themselves. Even now that they are older, I send them in to the men’s room together. I should say it this way: it’s not my boys I don’t trust . . . it’s the public I don’t trust. So I taught them how to use a public restroom, including the “no talking to strangers rule” while staying as germ-free as possible.
- Look out for the siblings younger than you. Moms with many littles, listen up. You will not know how much of a relief it can be to have older siblings who will also be your eyes for you. This is one that must start at home, however. When our oldest was only 5, it was drilled into him that he must make sure his 3-year-old brother did not go on the road. We have explained to every child what can happen to someone who goes out on the road in front of a car. I was also keeping watch, but a second set of eyes is invaluable. Even at that age, he learned a protectiveness that has translated into being responsible for four younger siblings. We don’t want our children scared of every person or situation they meet, but we like to prepare them that there are people who do evil things and therefore we must keep watch when out in public.
- Be friendly. We have the love and the joy of the Lord in our hearts, and it should be shining forth from our faces! Sometimes all another customer needs to see is a great big smile from a little child to brighten their day.
- This one is for Mom: relax. What you don’t get taught to your children on this shopping trip, you can teach them on the next. Too many times I find myself snapping at them and worrying about how we are appearing to the public, when I should be more concerned about our hearts conditions. I had one lady tell me: people aren’t watching the child throwing the temper tantrum, they are watching to see what the mama does about it. And although our children know temper tantrums are wrong, I also know people are still watching to see how I respond to my children in the situations that arise.
Now you know how very imperfect we are in training our redneck gentlemen some manners in the great big world. But we have a goal in sight and each year takes us a little closer!
Do I snap at my kiddos in Walmart? Yes.
Do I sometimes come away so stressed I want to vow never to take them again? Yes.
Do I have fun with them? More times than I can count. I’ve found if my attitude is relaxed and cheerful when I enter the public’s eye, my children will also be relaxed and cheerful.
But will I give up? Never.
May the ornery little boys of today . . . be the gentlemen of tomorrow!
Linking to blogs on our Linkup Page.
- The Adventum CD Collection – Sale Now - March 27, 2021
- Alternative To Facebook Option - January 30, 2021
- The Beauty of the Hoary Head - January 2, 2021
Jess@Homestead For Him says
Oh, and I thought we were the only family like this!! ☺ Character training may not be easy, but I know we will someday reap the rewards in our adult children~~both ladies and gentlemen! Have a blessed day! Jess
Berneice says
Well written Kendra! I LOVE to leave the kids at home w/ Daddy and do my grocery run in peace. But I also know how important it is to teach them at a young age. Never fear, yours are not the only ones that stick gross things in their mouths. Our oldest was thee worst for licking things when she was younger. I still shudder and gag at the things that went into her mouth.
Carolyn Kurtz via Facebook says
I love this! Grabbing at unsuspecting ankles and sliding their shoe boxes down the aisle to see which one goes further! Now that made me laugh. Keep up the good work!
Alicia Craig via Facebook says
Love this! Sounds so much like my trips with my kids.
via Facebook says
I commend you for the hard work you are putting into teaching your children manners. It pays off! I have noticed little ways your boys are showing forth the fruit of your efforts…holding open the school doors for me if I am coming through with a load of stuff, being polite when spoken to, etc. Keep up the great training!!
Living In The Shoe via Facebook says
Thank you, Twila! My goal is to make them worthy of a precious woman someday. 🙂
Val Young says
How do we train husbands to do this? Mine has got our youngest daughter to the point where she is ridiculous in the store. I never allowed the other children to act like this one does. He’s got her climbing all over the exercise equipment now. Ugh. I understand he wants to be fun, but I sure liked it better when I was the one training them how to act in public.
Living in the Shoe says
Oh dear. I don’t know what to tell you on that one!!
Val Young says
LOL I guess it could be worse problems, huh? At least he is truly enjoying his daughter of his old age. I just have to stop being so strict, I suppose.
Sandra Stockton Madera via Facebook says
Kendra I loved that one… I have a little boy in training too and sometimes it gets very stressful. Then other day’s we whip around in the cart and have fun! Thanks for your inspiration!!
Rosalyn Eby via Facebook says
I can totally relate to this! thanks for the positive encouragement!
Rhoda says
Kendra thank you.I needed this. I take all 4 children with me almost everytime I go shopping. except for those special get aways that my husband gives me or once in s great while when he goes with me. being relaxed is hard when shopping with 4 but I’ve learned it goes so much quicker and smoother and like you said everyone enjoys it so much better. Thank you again. blessings as you continue to train your children!
Deann Wagner via Facebook says
Totally familiar! Then, how to shop when your cart is full of children? 🙂
Melody says
Wow, this was us today! 🙂 Tough an I only have 2 🙂 blessings to you as you raise your gentlemen and encouragement to me with my ‘ladies’
Sharon Kelley says
Kendra your posts are very encouraging to me even though I don’t have children. Keep encouraging your children on a positive note.
chickenscratching says
Sounds so familiar! I’ve learned the hard way that it’s best to shop when mommy is not tired or hungry. 🙂
Saloma Wirick says
CHUCKLE! SNORT!! 😀 I totally could have written this post!! Sometimes all I can do is remind myself under my breath…Be not weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not! Our Moriah gets “lumped” in with the boys too, much to her dismay! 🙂
(I never comment, but just had to on this one!! 🙂
Living in the Shoe says
I will chuckle and snort with you!! 🙂 And I must remember to take that verse with me — great idea!
Arla says
You are braver than I was at your stage.I finally stopped taking everyone grocery shopping with me when we got to five children. Maybe I was too sensitive or our Hayward folks are ruder than yours, but I decided that we must look like a zoo on legs for the comments and stares we were garnering. They are all 14 and older now and know how to behave nicely in Wal-mart or Market Place. Now, when I take whoever is left here to town with me; they still fall into line behind me until I start saying, “Quack, quack!” at which cue they scuttle into position beside me as fellow adults instead of ducklings. Never did like having my ducks in row!
hsmominmo says
Wonderful post! Taking time to train and to practice beforehand, letting everyone know what is expected – these all make shopping trips much more enjoyable, for everyone.
I’m going to be re-reading this list often. Thank you!
Jess says
Here via the Christina Homemaking link up.
What a great post! I laughed out loud at the thought of people’s shock at having some unseen person grabbing at their ankles 🙂
Erin says
Great post :-). I often feel like a live National Geographic special for people to peer at and wonder over. We had time between piano lessons and meeting friends for lunch today so we (six children and I) went to target to return something and pick up a snack for hungry tummies. I needed nothing else. Seven people, two carts and we bought only a box of granola bars and a pack of mentos.