I finally met her.
Miss Feminism in the flesh.
She was striding confidently through the airport towards the car rental area. Every hair was in place, makeup perfected and a snazzy bag slung over her shoulder. Everything about her from her trendy clothes to her high-dollar shoes attributed to the aura surrounding her.
The way she walked and handled herself screamed one thing: “I don’t need a man!”
Now I honestly have no idea what the lady’s life was like or what her worldview consisted of, but for the sake of this article we will call her Miss Feminism. As I sat there watching her, I had the thought “If I, as another woman, get the vibe that she doesn’t need a man in her life . . . how intimidating must it be for a man to get that vibe?”
Miss Feminism was fine with living life the way she had it all planned out. Life was great without having a man to add into the mix. This way, she was in control and nobody else. She didn’t have to answer to anyone about her actions.
Her life looked free and fun – or at least that’s what feminism wants us to believe. But is it really?
Feminism hurts the men in our lives.
God made them to be our protectors and providers. When we give them the message that their protection is not needed or wanted, it sends them the message of ultimate disrespect.
When Lowell had his motorcycle accident almost 7 years ago, I came to a surprising conclusion really quick. He honestly should have died in that accident – by all human reasoning with the way he flew off the motorcycle and down over a ravine onto huge boulders. But he didn’t and I have praised God many times for sparing his life! And aside from the fact that he’s my husband, a father to our children, and we love him immensely . . . my conclusion may come as a shock to you.
My conclusion was this: one of the reasons God may have let him live – was because I would have made a horrible widow!
I don’t know how I could have coped with handling all the things a man does, besides all the things a woman has to do. God knew I needed him.
I absolutely love the little things he does for me that only a man can do, or at least do it right! It makes me feel so special and cared for. I love not having to worry about when the car needs an oil change, or if the lawnmower is sounding “funny” I can send the kids to go ask Dad. He is the one who sprayed all my fruit trees for me, just because he knew how hard it would be for short me to reach the top branches.
I never have to concern myself with the water heater, the Toyota transmission, or the dryer belts. Frankly, my man knows that should I choose to concern myself with those things . . . well, let’s just say it would be catastrophic!
Whatever would I do without this wonderful man in my life? Who would buy me chocolates after noticing my supply is low? Who would come up behind me at the kitchen sink, wrap his arms around me, and whisper sweet nothings in my ear? Who would offer me his coat when I’m sitting there shivering in the cold?
I am saddened by this feministic mindset that strips men of their manhood by telling them we don’t want or need them.
Truth is, if we are going to become more like Christ – and God has put a man in our lives – we do need them. We need their logical reasoning, their blue worldview that differs from our pink one, and their strong arms to hold us close when we need protection from the forces that take us down.
Not only do I need my man in my life to fix the bumpers I jerk off of his Jeep *oops* (or was that a fender 🙂 ) . . . but I want him in my life. I want his “sometimes aggravating” logic, his quick wit, his huge smile, and his flirty messages. I want his deep conversations and discussions over Scripture. I want his towel to hang beside mine in the bathroom, his muddy shoes to dirty my floors, and his concoctions in my fridge.
It’s also nice to have an extra razor around to borrow in case mine gives out!
So am I a needy woman? Uh, yep.
Let feminism keep its fun in all its supposed “freedom”.
I’ll take chocolate and kisses any day!
Note: someone mentioned how this could be hurtful to the single women whose husbands have left them or those who do not have husbands at all. I apologize for that was not the intent of the article. I admire those who can do it on their own, when forced to, but this was meant more specifically for those who consciously choose feminism over letting the men in their lives take the role they were designed for! I’ve edited it a bit to clear up the confusion, so please forgive me if this was hurtful to you as a single mom or young lady.
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Betsy says
I LOVE this! It is so me. I am definitely a needy woman and after almost 37 years of marriage find myself “needier” every day.
Blessings,
Betsy
Kendra says
Thank you!
Twila Peachey Smucker says
I feel the same, that I really need Brian and would make a HORRIBLE widow. However, I think an article like this can really be hard for our single ladies and widows or ladies whose husbands have left them. I have A LOT of single friends or people close to me who don’t have a man in their life, who would LONG for that security too. Maybe the airport lady was one of those and HAS to do it alone. I think sometimes we can unknowingly cause our single ladies to suffer even more when we “label” their independance, because MOST ladies would choose to have a loving man in their lives. And sometimes God does not give them that desire of their hearts and we need to give them extra support and encouragement.
Kendra says
And I feel for those single moms and single women – which is why I said ” Truth is, if we are going to become more like Christ – and God has put a man in our lives – we do need them.” In no way was I putting down single women – only that those of us who God HAS put a man in our lives, need to let them do the job they were designed to do! Thank you for pointing it out – I’m editing it a bit to clear it up.
Sometimes I forget it’s not only married women who read this blog!
Darlene says
Aww! Well said, dear friend! 🙂
Kendra says
Thanks a bunch for your encouragement!!
Darlene says
Twila, I think Kendra is talking about women who CHOOSE to be a feminist and independent and not to those who have it out of their control.
Kendra says
Yep. Took the words right out of my mouth! 😉
Living In The Shoe says
And I feel for those single moms and single women – which is why I said ” Truth is, if we are going to become more like Christ – and God has put a man in our lives – we do need them.” In no way was I putting down single women – only that those of us who God HAS put a man in our lives, need to let them do the job they were designed to do! Thank you for pointing it out – I’m editing it a bit to clear it up. 😉
Rebecca says
I appreciate your description of how a husband and and wife relationship should be and can totally relate to your thoughts! 🙂 I have a hard time understanding why a wife who has a Christian husband would choose “independence” , when you have a husband who loves you and wants to care for you and protect you. But I have come to realize that being “needy” is a privilege that many women ,even Christian women don’t have. I know I take it for granted all the time, but it really is a gift from God, and not something I deserve. Like you said, this is probably not the point you were trying to make, and I appreciate you clarifying it….but question that has been haunting me is this…As a wife who has been greatly blessed and privileged with a wonderful godly husband, how should I respond to those who are walking in different shoes?
Kendra says
Very good question, Rebecca! I am reminded of how many times Lowell has said that each of us have a cross to bear and we should not belittle anybody’s cross – no matter how big or how small. This is definitely a cross some women must bear, that of not having a godly husband who treats them well. And it would be something we could encourage them in, to bear their cross well.
We heard an excellent sermon that I wish I could get my hands on an audio of it called “Suffering Well”. We heard it down in Florida by Lester Coblenz and it really spoke to me. If I can remember his points soon, I’ll put them here!
We miss you guys, coming home soon? 🙂
Sandra Miller says
Beautiful!
Mary Kelley says
Thank you, Kendra, for being sensitive and adding your note at the end. Even us single sisters need, pray for, and are thankful for godly men in our lives. Feminism is a great afront to God because it contradicts Gods Word, yet it seeps into our lives so easily, especially in our attitudes.
Kendra says
Thank you, Mary, for giving us a perspective on feminism as a single woman. I don’t think sometimes that we realize how the culture around us has affected all of us. That is why we need the Word of God – and each other!
Jim N Sally Meyers says
I like it a LOT! I grieve for the men who are made to feel like unnecessary idiots. They are heroes and I’m happy to be married to one of them!
Living In The Shoe says
Thank you, Sally! I give a hearty amen – especially since I know who you are married to and have much respect for both of you!
Suan James Fife says
Such a good and well put article. My thoughts exactly ! I was single until I was 26 years old. God blessed me with a good job and I either had a house or an apartment of my own, but that was not the way I wanted to live my life. Thank the Lord he sent that man my way !
Donna Wray says
My heart’s sentiment exactly! What would we do without these wonderful men in our lives God has blessed us with? But my heart goes out to these single women that have not, or are not at the present blessed with a good husband. God has a plan for them, too, but we do need to be sensitive to them, and go out of out way to encourage them.
Kendra says
I know! And hope I portrayed it that way!
BeachyKeen says
I think you have a great message and sincere intentions, but I believe you might misconstrue the term “feminism,” and by commenting, I only wish to shed light on this common misconception. To really get down to what feminism should mean to men and women alike, I would recommend reading the book “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg. I think you would really enjoy her take on feminism, and her unconditional love for her husband. Unfortunately, he passed away from a freak accident after she wrote the book. With your close call regarding your husband’s motorcycle accident, I am sure you would be able to empathize with her. Keep up the nice posts– your homemade chocolate milk brought me to this site 😉
Kendra says
Thank you!!