Every year when the air turns crisp and the morning temperatures dip down in the thirties, my husband comes alive. Not that he wasn’t full of life before. But there is just something about autumn and the coming of hunting season that puts a lightness in his step.
And he’s not the only one. Men who love to hunt all have this excitement growing in them from the middle of August. Bows are taken out of the closet, arrows are made ready, and “equipment” is scattered all over. Little boys look with longing at Daddy as he dons his hunting gear and heads out. If only they were big enough…..
But what about the women?
What do we do when our men leave for days at a time, or simply go several times a week until they bring home some meat? And we’re left home with 3, 4, or 5 kids plus a home to keep functioning.
How do we deal with the “hunter’s widow” mindset?
My husband has went hunting all our married life, so this is something I’ve had to learn to deal with. At first it was easy for me to feel sorry for myself. Here I was alone, with the children, having to feed, bathe, and bedtime everyone on my own. While he was out having fun.
I also found that to be somewhat “accepted”, you needed to whine about your husband’s hobbies that were taking him away from you. But I have never found that whining makes me or my husband feel any better — quite the opposite. It only made me miserable.
Lowell’s hunting departure note 🙂 |
So how do we overcome this poor me mindset of the hunter’s widow?
1. Recognize first of all that there are some “hobbies” (hunting or otherwise) that truly can get out of hand and the father neglects his family. If that is the case – pray, pray, pray. And then speak to him. You both need to know where the line should be drawn to not let it become an obsession.
However, if this hobby is within reason and the man is not neglecting his family . . . .
2. Thank God that your man is healthy enough to go out and bring in meat for the table. This is one that was driven home very deeply in the past four years since Lowell’s accident. He still has some slight handicap from it and so cannot run fast. This limits his hobbies – no longer can he play basketball, volleyball, and can only bat in softball.
Hunting is an option God has left open for him and I am so glad he is physically able to do this.
3. Count the blessings in it. I love having a freezer-full of meat. Not just plain old meat, but 100% organic, 100% all-natural elk meat! Another blessing I can count is the extra time I get to spend with my children. When I don’t have “adult conversation” to look forward to when Lowell comes home from work, it forces me to converse more with my kiddos and take joy in the personalities that shine forth!
Plus, I don’t have to pack lunches for my man for a whole week and suppers can be minimal when it’s just the kids and I. Although that is changing as they get older.
4. Have fun! Ditch the “poor me” attitude and decide you are going to have fun. Hopefully whining is getting less popular anyway.
This is one I love! When Lowell goes hunting, my tradition is to go buy myself a BIG bag of Reese cups.
Don’t laugh. It’s true.
Way back on his second or so hunting trip, I decided then and there that if he was having fun, then I was going to have fun, too. Fun for me means chocolate. Or a good book. An English Toffee frappuccino. Going shopping. Or sleeping in.
It doesn’t have to be big, but pamper yourself so that you can say when he comes back in the door that you truly had fun, too!
5. Support his integrity. When you start to feel the gripes coming on, thank the Lord that this hobby is not instead a bad habit or sin such as pornography.
Be thankful that he is faithful to you and tell him so. Then let him go on his hunt – he will enjoy it much more knowing his wife will be cheerily waiting for him at home.
You notice how many of these have to do with our mind and not on our circumstances changing? We can view the same circumstance from two totally different perspectives with two totally different outcomes. But it doesn’t happen by itself.
It takes a decision.
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Anonymous says
Convicting and encouraging all at the same time. You are a jewel of an example to me! <3 ya!
Rachel @ The Olde Farmhouse on Windmill Hill says
Some of us have this on a weekly basis. Meaning, our husbands leave on Monday morning and return Friday night or Saturday sometime. Instead of a hobby, it is a way of making a living. I would much rather it be for a week or two as a hobby than week after week as an occupation but I have learned exactly what you write in this post. My attitude makes all the difference. I can’t say it’s always easy to have the right attitude but I try. 🙂 Thanks for this post and the reminders of what’s important. And the encouragement to keep the right attitude.
Kendra Graber says
So true! I feel for women like you.
Anonymous says
Beautiful…..I’ve had my share of struggles in this very thing. You are so right-a grateful spirit is everything (may be done with the will, not emotions). Satan has a tough time getting thru to bog you down when you are saying “thank you, Lord”. Thanks for the encouragement.
And a happy early birthday to you!!
~Mom G
Kendra Graber says
Thank you, Mom!! But I’m still a young 33 at the moment …… 🙂
Marta from PA says
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 yrs now and he LOVES to hunt! I’ve never dated anyone who hunts or feels so passionate about it! I find myself complaining about us not spending enough time together! Since this is all new to me he says to me your going through ‘Hunter’s Widow’! I found your site and read your blog! Thank you so much because its comforting to know I’m not the only one and that’s it’s not anything with me but its just ‘Hunting Season’!!!!! LOL 😉
lisa says
I cannot not express how this has helped me. Not only did you touch on honoring your husband, but also honoring your time without him. I love my husband & we are always together but this season has been very difficult for me. We are both in recovery from addiction & I now see how grateful I should be to have a faithful man that hunts to much (in my opinion) lol. I hope your husband is constantly healing. God bless yall
Ann Watkins says
4 years after the post but it is still relevant. I have stressed out the past few years over his hunting addiction. Especially when he got in 2 life threatening motorcycle accidents after within 6 months of each other. My husband is the one who suggested that I turn this into a positive thing. I was going to start fb group or blog for Hunting Widows to commiserate and vent. He found out about it and suggested I put a positive spin on it and encourage our husbands. He was right. I haven’t figured out how to do it but we are a week into him being gone and I am revisiting the idea…
Kendra says
Wow! The motorcycle accidents hit a little close to home . . . my husband was in one eight years ago and almost lost his life. I can’t imagine two of those! One was scary enough.
I know it’s hard when our husbands are gone from us with hunting or anything else, but sometimes I have to ask myself “What is God trying to teach me through this? How is He molding my character into more like His?” And then the hard part is actually being teachable enough that He can get the job done inside of me. 🙂 God bless!
Annika says
Struggling with this now so decided to google it and found your blog. Thanks for the reminder about mindset and perspective. My struggle is that we both work full time. I’m expected to work at least part time. if we each get to do our hobbies, which I don’t (my hobby is now childcare), then I’m not seeing much room at for us to be together. I suppose I need to evaluate a different perspective before resentment gets ahold of this relationship.
Kendra says
Working full time sounds rough! I have often found that if something bothers me greatly, I must spend much time praying about it and asking God to change my heart if need be. But sometimes it’s also something that needs to be addressed to my husband – and so I ask God to give me the respectful attitude and to open up the opportunity where my husband will hear my appeal to him. jThis post addresses more of the appeal side: http://livingintheshoe.com/making-an-appeal/. God bless!!
Meagan says
Perfectly put and planted in my heart ❤️ thank you for such wisdom and encouragement!
Kendra says
You are so welcome!