On the way to town this morning, Logan wanted to know about the leaves turning yellow. Now you must know that Logan is our philosopher, our scientist, and our dictionary all rolled into one. He is the one that you must look at the clock before answering his question to see if you truly have enough time to go into a 2,000 word essay or if you simply play dumb and give an extremely short answer. For if you give him just a wee bit too much information, his little brain kicks into high gear and he must know all the ins and outs, the whys and wherefores, and of course “how does God do that.”
He is a thinker and I’m afraid he got it from his mom. We thinkers are dangerous people. We can think ourselves right into a situation and right out of one. With our brain we can plunge ourselves into a bad mood or soar on wings like eagles. It really is unhandy; sometimes I’d love to turn our brains off.
We had discussed the leaves dying before, but he wanted to talk about it again.
“Mom, how do the leaves turn yellow?” After talking about the trees dying, I had to remember that wasn’t really the truth.
“The trees only go to sleep for the winter and then they wake back up again in the spring and start growing.” Who says you need the college version. The preschool version is more fun!
“But what makes the leaves yellow?”
“Well, the frost hits the leaves and makes them start dying. Then they fall off the tree and the tree goes to sleep. The leaves first have to die before they can make the tree pretty.” Right here is where I heard a whisper in my ear. Dying brings beauty.
I wish I could’ve remembered this during those moments since Lowell’s accident where we felt like we were dying. Sometimes it felt as though the very life was being squeezed out of me. Days when the future seemed so bleak that I’d truly long for Heaven. On days like those, the only thing to keep me going was believing our sovereign God had a purpose in it.
There are so many people around us who are dying inside. Maybe you’ve lost a child, parent, or spouse. Maybe you suffer with depression and every single moment looks like a black cloud. Maybe someone is suffering from cancer, or perhaps you are having to watch someone suffer. Sometimes the watching can be just as hard as the one going through it. Perhaps your home is split up and you feel as though life is not worth living in this way. Maybe financial circumstances are so hard it feels like you can’t breathe. Maybe you are in constant pain and nobody seems to care that you are utterly dying inside.
Once you’ve been there, you will never forget that feeling.
Remember those who are dying, and whisper to them that it is only after the dying that the beauty is seen. And I’m not talking about ourselves, because in the case of the tree, the beauty is not ours. We are the leaves on the Tree that die. It is through our dying that the Tree is made beautiful.
It is through our circumstances that God can bring Himself glory and show the world His love, His might, and His undying beauty.