Teaching your children to “obey on first call” is valuable life training. It takes much diligence and consistency on the part of the parents, but it’s rewards are great. You can successfully raise your children without raising your voice; training them to “hear” you in your normal tone, and respond. They will not only more readily obey YOU, but also their teachers, authorities, and ultimately God, which is the main motive for our training. We always need to keep in mind; it’s for their spiritual good and their future.
We need to begin teaching them while they are very young in life—toddler age. If you can’t make your five year old put away his toys, you probably won’t control him when he is fourteen. The pre-school years are a critical time to teach your children proper attitudes. There is a tremendous opportunity during this time, as they are very moldable and open to your parental instruction. I feel we can start as young as six months or so. They understand much more than we give them credit for sometimes. They know by the tone of your voice whether you are being playful, soothing them, or are unhappy with them. Sometimes, at this age, I would merely flick my finger on their leg when their little tempers would flare, and by using a stern voice also, they knew what I meant. It takes consistency on your part, but they soon learn.
Sometimes, when a child does not obey, it is the fault of the parent, when we don’t take the time to be sure we have the child’s full attention. When giving your child a command, make it clear you expect it to be carried out, and if not, there will be direct discipline. We need to be sure we are talking directly to them, having eye contact, and they are hearing what we say. Sometimes it helps if we have them repeat to us our instructions.
When the child does learn to “obey on first call”, the parent is not as likely to provoke (nag, irritate, exasperate, harass) their child—as Col. 3:21 reminds us: “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged”. Telling little Sally to pick up her clothes, and after the fifth time repeating it, she will soon learn your words don’t mean much. When this becomes a regular habit, it can breed disrespect for the parent in the eyes of the child. Children want and need to know where their guidelines are (even when they are rebelling against you). It is security to the child to know that dad and mom stand for what they’ve always taught them.
A command—if not obeyed—should be disciplined. There is a saying: “Prompt obedience is the only obedience; slow obedience is NO obedience!” There should be no answering back, disputing, questioning, or delays when requested to do something.
Now I know this sounds pretty overwhelming, but it takes time and consistency, so don’t lose hope! I know, when we were raising our children, we didn’t always get it all right, and we made plenty of mistakes along the way. None of us are perfect, and God only expects us to do our best.
We also must teach in love—to train, and not nag, lest they be made to feel they can’t ever please you. I need to insert something here, too. It is SO important that we commend and praise our children when it is rightfully due, and not just use flattery. It’s helpful to be watching for anything we can compliment them on: things accomplished right, commendable traits, nice gestures to others, or when they are just trying hard. We must keep in mind we can’t expect perfection; they are not adults, and will not perform as such.
Parents, remember, our goal is to teach our children to have hearts for the Lord; hearts that will hear God’s voice, and will obediently follow Him. May God bless you as you seek Him and His wisdom each day.
Submitted in love,
- Teaching Children To Obey On First Call - April 30, 2015
- Teaching Modesty To Our Children{Grandma’s Column} - March 31, 2015
- Train Up A Child{Grandma’s Column} - January 27, 2015
Shontele Torkelson says
Thanks for this! Something my husband has been fussing at me about…I tell them to many times until I’m stressed then I feel bad to discipline them cause I know am not in the right frame of mind.Thanks for the reminder!
Kendra says
Sometimes I believe child training is more “parent training” – at least with me it is! 🙂
Susan says
Couldn’t agree more especially after spending the morning shopping and hearing moms give their toddlers chance after chance to obey. On the other hand, some kids seem to learn easier than others. 🙂
Kendra says
Yep!! However, sometimes in town can be rough since it seems like your kids just “know” that your hands are somewhat tied as to disciplining them in public.
Kim says
Thank you for this post. I have a very strong willed child and consistent discipline is exhausting.