Some of you probably won’t like this post. I don’t either. It’s been convicting for me.
Recently, I had a friend ask me “How do you get anything done with Facebook?” I told her it really didn’t take much of my time since I scan-read really fast down my newsfeed. But it got me thinking about how much time I actually DO put into social media, namely facebook.
And it surprised me a bit. I found that even though I might not have been spending much time clicking people’s pictures and links, I spent more time thinking about what I’d just read once I closed the browser. Precious time that I could have spent thinking and praying about something much more important.
I had never been on Facebook until about four years ago. People kept suggesting we get on it, so Lowell and I both got accounts and found our long-lost friends. It was wonderful to reconnect with folks I hadn’t heard from or seen in almost two decades! Plus the added benefit of being able to keep up with some of our family and friends we left back in Indiana.
The reconnecting was fun, but nobody warned me about what came with social media.
These are the things I call, from my experience, the “curse of social media”:
Disappointment – I am a person who naturally likes to think the best of others. And I know that I should be able to swallow the disappointment I’d feel when I’d see how someone had changed (or was changing) – and not for the better. Especially if I saw someone I respected agreeing to something I knew was not Biblical. The giving in to the culture around us left me bitterly disappointed.
Some would say I should be able to extend them grace. And I am, by “mostly” leaving Facebook. I say “mostly” because I still like to see what our church ladies page has on it, get messages, and I must post some items on our home business page. But I know myself and my own heart, and I am the kind of person that will hold some of my acquaintances in higher esteem if I do not see their facebook postings.
Time Waster – Like I stated previously, even though I didn’t spend much time actually logged onto facebook, I spent more time thinking about what picture I should put up, or why so-and-so posted what they did. Or thinking about the awful tragedies I’d see going on all over the world. Not just tragedies, but sin that gets blasted in front of everyone’s eyes. I began to think about what I could have done with that time I’d just wasted with thinking about all that, plus the stomachache some of the posts gave me.
Relationship Neglect – This will be the case for lots of things that take up our time, such as your smartphone, texting, reading a novel, etc. It’s not limited to social media. But I’d find that, while on facebook, my four-year-old could be standing right beside me asking repeatedly for help with something . . . and I wouldn’t even hear him. Am I disappointed in myself? Immensely. But disappointment and conviction are good if they lead to change.
I’m sure there are more things that could be added to this little list of the curses of social media on my life. And what I am doing will not be for everybody. Some folks are better able to handle the disappointments in others than I am. My husband, for example, can logically take what someone says and not let it ruin his day.
But I want to put my relationships with “real-life” folks first. This includes my little family, and it includes you.
- I want to feel the sunshine on my cheeks, not just see how great it is somewhere else in facebookland. I sometimes wonder if folks wouldn’t be more contented if they didn’t think someone else had it better. It’s easy to begin thinking that via social media.
- I want to take pictures of my children among the cherry blossoms, and take them just for me and no one else. My children are precious to me, and someday I’ll be old and gray with probably no teeth . . . and I’ll reach for my photo albums, not facebook.
- I want to believe that the hearts of my friends are good and true, and should they disappoint me to my face, I will still extend them grace. I want my friends to believe my heart is good and true, and if I should mess up in real life, I pray they will extend me grace as well.
- I want to set an example that I’d be proud for my children to follow. One that leads through the garden, the fruit orchard, the green grass, and brilliant sunshine . . . with “for real” footprints.
- I want to pick up my Bible more and remember again the sovereign God I serve. Sovereign in spite of all the sin and tragedies going on around me. I want to show my children how to help those hurting right beside us, even though we cannot help those hurting half way across the world.
This post has been a while in coming and I’ve discussed with Lowell about how much is too much, how much is too little. And let me repeat myself, that the steps I’m taking are not what everyone else needs to take. Not everyone has six young children who need her. Not everyone also has a blog that, yes, does take time. Not everyone loves to garden and mow grass and can peaches …. and …. you get my point.
Someday I might find I’ve matured enough to handle facebook disappointments, or find that my children no longer are home, and begin to follow my friends again there. But for now, this is what I need to do!
God bless.
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martyomenko says
There is also a flip side to this post….the blessings of social media. When you get off of FB, you are still thinking about what you read and are able to pray for your friend whom is at the hospital with her baby. She didn’t have time to call all her friends and let them know, but with FB, she was able to let her friends know and their friends are praying for her as well.
You always find things to ignore your children over, it takes discipline to use self control with anything. I can get distracted in my own head and not listen to my children. Lack of self control is not a great reason to stop doing anything, it is simply a reason to gain more self control.
Often mothers of many children do not take time to be able to reach others. They just really don’t have the time. A kind word, comment or reaching out on FB, can develop into a friendship that you may not have had otherwise, a ministering to someone that you may not have known about.
There are a lot of positives about social media, if you use it correctly, otherwise you would not be a blogger. You don’t know me, yet, I likely know many people that you know, in your real life, and that is how I found your blog, and am able to be encouraged by it. You can lose out on a lot of blessings without FB as well and opportunities to bless others. Just something else to consider.
Living in the Shoe says
I agree that many things require self-control and there are definitely positives – which I have enjoyed immensely! But this is my own personal decision and I made it clear not everyone will need to do this. There are many steps I must take in my personal life to protect my soul and my relationships.
Thank you for your comment!!
Autumn says
This really spoke to me and I wish I could come over with a cuppa tea/coffee and some goodies and share my thoughts/feelings about it…too much to write here…besides, I have kiddos to love on, books to read, dishes to do and lunch to fix…=) Thanks for this post. We all are different with how we handle things…I tend to stew about stuff that I can’t control, fix or don’t agree with and I know its wrong, so I have had to limit myself on Facebook etc. The Lord keeps me accountable to that and I can tell when I have been putting too much “social media” in and not enough of my Jesus…what comes out of my mouth to my family tells a lot of what is going on in my heart. Thankful for His Mercies!
Living in the Shoe says
Thank you for not making me feel like I’m the only one who struggles with this! Most people will feel this post is an attack, and I maybe should have worded it differently, but it’s simply my own personal experience. I am happy that not everybody is like me! 🙂 This world would be a basket-case if so. Thank you again!
Becky Hirt says
Love your gentle, honest heart, Kendra! Really enjoy the wisdom you’ve shared in posts. I understand your family needs you. And whenever you do feel led to share, please continue to do so, as I know you are a blessing and encouragement to many of us. 🙂 Thanks for all you’ve shared in the past.
Blessings to you and your family ~
Living In The Shoe says
Thank you, Becky! This post was not meant to attack anyone, except my own shortcomings. I will now be putting everything on the blog….so it’ll still be there. Blessings to you too!!
Lisa Tacheira says
Excellent reminders. Thanks for sharing! <3
Becky Hirt says
Oh, I didn’t take it as an attack, not at all! It’s just that I’ve enjoyed what you share. So will the blog posts show up on fb?
Living In The Shoe says
I knew you didn’t, Becky! 🙂 I was just imagining how it must look to some others. Yes, the posts will still be here on fb, so you should still be able to see them.
Becky Hirt says
Ok good! 🙂
June says
Except of course that I read this through a Facebook share ;). Like everything else we should take what works and leave the rest.
Living in the Shoe says
Absolutely!!
Rose Bontrager says
Bless your heart for your honesty. Darl and I have been discussing many of the same issues recently. And right now I can think of a few things that need to be done, so I will get off here and go do them!
Living in the Shoe says
🙂 Thank you, Rose!!
Marcus Miller says
AMEN! While this may be your feelings/opinion I believe it is the truth that there is way too much time wasted on facebook/social media sites that would be much better if spent w/the Lord! While facebook may have it’s place, it can also be a stumbling block. Thank you for your honest/real life postings. Lisa and I totally agree and try to follow the same goals for our family as guys do, tho we fail at times, by God’s grace we will keep trying 🙂 We covet the prayers of our brothers and sisters in the Lord and seek to do the same for them
Living in the Shoe says
Thanks for the encouragement, Marcus!
Shari Walker says
I don’t have FB and sometimes want it for all of the good reasons. The main reason that I don’t is indirectly related to a sign which reads “All of your friends are NOT on FB” In my experience most people who read something on FB forget that there are still those who don’t have it and don’t often share verbally anymore. I miss out on important info like prayer request or praises, because of this. I refuse to get FB just so I can have “friends”. On a side note, I confess I do waste time on the computer other ways…like reading blogs;)
Living in the Shoe says
🙂 It is very possible to “waste time” in multiple ways! I am reminded of that often. And when I was more active on fb, like you said it was easy to forget that not everyone is on there. I’ve felt bad about that many times. Thanks for stopping by!
Heather@ To Sow a Seed says
I’ve been convicted by my own use of Facebook. Namely, I am *very* particular about the regular company I keep, as I do find that the Proverbs are true. You really do become like the people you spend time with! Well … you know that disappointment you mentioned? What about when people you love and whose company you share via the internet are introducing you to snarky comments, and even discontent? Sadly, that’s been happening to me. I have gone through and hidden all the people whose influence has been less than what I feel The Lord would have for me, but honestly … less time there is the best thing for me!
Living in the Shoe says
I’m sorry that folks have been that way to you….but I wonder if people get that way because it’s easier to say things on the internet that you would never say in real life. I agree wholeheartedly that, for me too, the best thing is to put less time on there. God bless you!
Melissa Cummins says
I completely agree! I am no longer on Facebook because of way too much negativity and wasted time. People will ask me did u see this or that on Facebook and my response is I don’t get on Facebook anymore. Well needless to say I get the same look like I have 3 heads which is the same look I get when people find out I don’t own a microwave! Lol. Sometimes convenience isn’t the best way. Just my opinion though.
Living in the Shoe says
No microwave and no facebook??? How do you do it, lady? LOL 🙂
Tina says
Wow- now that’s some food for thought…I just read the above comment…sometimes convenience isn’t the best way…!! How true! You have a great post here, Kendra.
Kendra says
Thank you! I appreciate the encouragement.