This is a post I dread a little since it could come across as me looking like I’ve got it all together. Please read this with the thought in mind that it cut me to the heart just to write these down.
I am definitely still in the learning process, but here are a few things I’ve learned and that have been shared with me by godly women of how we can be either a crown or rottenness to the man God has given us.
In order to be a crown and bring your husband honor and respect, you need to . . . . .
- Behave yourself with the dignity befitting a queen.
- Dress with modesty and decorum. As one quote goes, “Dress around other men like you would want other women to dress around your husband.” Modesty also carries over into the way we act around other men.
- Shush the complaints. Complaining doesn’t change the circumstance one whit; it only makes everyone around you miserable, too.
- When there is an issue, speak once or twice, then shut up and pray.
- Speak of your husband’s strengths and accomplishments.
- When, in the humanness of your mind, you perceive something that needs changed in your husband or within your marriage, be the first to pray “Lord, change my heart.”
- Use his money wisely.
- Thank him often and emphatically for all the hard work he does to provide for you, and the guidance he gives your family.
- Train your children well so that coming home is not dreaded by him after a long day’s work.
- Be his biggest supporter when he has been declared a success.
- Be his biggest supporter when he has been declared a failure.
- If he has sinned against God and you, be willing to take a stand for the truth. Even if it causes you shame and hurt.
- Treat him as a king, and he will in turn make you his queen.
But if one wishes to go the route of rottenness, ruin and shame, you will need to . . .
- Dress immodestly so that his heart cannot safely trust in you.
- Complain loudly about how he is not fulfilling your wants.
- Forget praying – nag him until he’d rather be anywhere but around you.
- Tell all your friends and family of his faults.
- Never see how the situation can be bettered by you changing your heart. Everything is all his fault anyway.
- Shop every store, mall, and sale so that he is brought to financial ruin. And especially don’t ask him before making a major purchase.
- Never thank him for his hard work.
- Don’t train his children. They’re half his anyway!
- Be his loudest critic. Have no regard for his pride or privacy about when or where you criticize his business ventures, financial investments, and spiritual decisions.
- Don’t take responsibility for the heart of your husband if he is headed down a path of sin.
- Always make him feel as though you know more about spiritual matters than he does.
- Treat him like scum and you will have effectively brought him down from a place of honor to dishonor, from respect to pity, from wealth to ruin, and from integrity to shame.
Oh, ladies. Let us not take our responsibilities lightly! They have placed their trust in us.
Let’s not let them down, but lift them up.
I’d love to hear ways that you have learned to be a crown to your husband. You’re welcome to share them in the comments below!! Thank you.
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Arlene says
One thing I know, looking up at our beloved’s and calling them “lord” does not come without knowledge from our FATHER.
To honor our beloved, we must honor our BELOVED.
Never hesitate to share what you learn. Sometimes our most life changing lessons are through our failures and they need to be shared with the younger generations, so they are not repeated.
Bless you Kendra for taking the courage to put this into words. The 2nd half hit me almost harder than the 1st half.
Kendra Graber says
Thank you, Arlene! The second part is where I found myself saying “Ouch!” And I love the thought on honoring God…..that is so true and profound. Thanks.
Andrea says
Thanx Kendra for sharing this. Although I am not yet married, it has made me look at my life and has shown me areas that need changing. It is always a blessing to get your updates. Thank you for being willing to be used of God in this way.
A sister in Christ!
Kendra Graber says
Being willing to make changes in your life now will make you an excellent wife! 🙂
Kelley says
Thank you so much for these encouraging, convicting thoughts! It amazes me how much we as wives influence the whole mood of our households. You know what they say about if mama ain’t happy nobody’s happy! One thing that my husband thanks me for most often is just simply being happy and content with the life we have together. Happy to be home instead of forever running around town shopping, happy to spend time doing the little things with our girls, happy to make dinner and enjoy it together, all the small things that make up our daily life. These things are a joy and blessing in my life! it is just extra nice to know that he notices and it, in turn, brings him joy. I pray I will be the wife GOD desires me to be…
Kendra Graber says
Sometimes I find myself grudging the fact that Mama sets the mood for the household. I love the spirit that comes through your words, Kelley! Thank you for the encouragement.
Beth Cover says
Amen Kendra! to you & Kelley =) it takes work to be a crown…work on my attitude and realize that there will be good days and days that reveal areas of character flaws. Go with God!
Anonymous says
Since Dad & I are nearing that stage in life, a thought on being a “crown”: be sure you work at being there for your husband early on so that you have a sweet relationship when the dreaded empty nest is upon you! There I wrote that for me 🙂
Thanks!
~Mom G
Nicole says
Kendra, what a wonderful post. Thank you for the breakdown. Sometimes we know in our hearts these things but walk the other way. I can see myself in both and I want to be in the first category and not the latter. I need to star this post and read it often! Thank you again. -Nicole @ Working Kansas Homemaker