It was cleaning time and I was on a rampage. Everything in my path was getting either pitched out or put away! After a while, the house was beginning to look a little better.
Then I stepped into my daughter’s room.
The floor was so messy I could hardly step through it. And I literally could feel my blood pressure rising, as my vision began turning blurry. Why did it always have to be this way? Was none of the training getting through?
It was one of those moments when I wanted to hang my head and cry. It was feeling like one step forward, two steps back. I taught, trained, and disciplined . . . but I still felt like a failure.
Instead, my defense mechanism kicked into high gear and I began giving short, sharp orders. I could feel anger creeping into my heart as I wanted to throw the nearest toy as hard as I could into the toy box.
Picking up trash laying around, I crumpled them up and tossed them into the trash can. I didn’t even ask if some of it was trash – I just pitched. All I could see anymore was the animals, cars, papers, and toys that were strewn over every surface available.
Looking at my daughter, I no longer saw her. Instead I saw a messy room.
Kneeling down, I picked up a small paper – aiming to crumple it in my hand. But something stopped me in my tracks.
There on the paper were these words that had been penciled in by my daughter’s hand:
“I want to see Jesus’ face.”
Conviction flooded my soul.
Oh God. That hurts so bad. I can’t breathe. What kind of a monster have I become that I have so missed the heart of my child?
She had not written that she wanted to be like mommy. She had not written that she wanted to always keep a clean room so that Mommy would be happy.
Her little heart’s cry was placed into my hand that day . . . and I wanted to weep. She had wanted to see the face of Jesus.
Had she even been able to glimpse His shadow in her own mommy?
That little note brought me to a halt faster than anything else could have done. I will never view my daughter’s messy room the same way again.
Instead, I am learning to stop and listen to the whispers that come from my precious daughter’s heart. And pray that someday, we will be able to view the face of Jesus – together.
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Sue Anderson says
This so relates to what we talked about in SS yesterday. One mother thought child training was a trial and what was the point as no one’s children are turning out like they should. I as the teacher tried to encourage her but times are hard and child training is real. Would it be okay if I shared this with my class?
Denaye Wenger says
Thank you for sharing this, and being real with us. We all have those moments when we mess up so bad we think we’ve ruined our witness totally with our children. Amazing how they forgive and love us anyway. And it’s so awesome to see those touches of God-consciousness in our children. You are obviously a very good mother if your child has a desire to “see Jesus’ face.” Hope you have a very special day with your littles today!
Living In The Shoe says
Sure, you can, Sue! I think child training is where we apply everything we have learned up till now . . . and then pray God’s grace covers the rest. Thanks for the encouragement, Denaye!
Cara Lorenz says
Thanks for the challenge, Kendra… I too have a daughter that doesn’t care about a clean room and it is often a trial for me to not get upset. I need reminded to see her and not the mess. I struggle to know how to differentiate between whether its disobedience or just a personality and shouldn’t be disciplined. What are your thoughts?
Sharon Skrivseth says
You stepped on my toes…I just banned my girls from playing in their bedroom on nice days because of constant wall to wall messes..maybe I should reconsider? ? ..food for thought. ..
Gertrude Miller Slabach says
Yes. Been there. Done that.
June says
Beautiful post. As a now “veteran” parent with kids 27, 21, 11 & 7….. I can tell you… you will be exhausted, you will be frustrated, you will want to run away some days….. but decades later you will never, ever remember the toys, crumbs, messes and frustrations. In the end, none of it matters, not one bit. I remember reading a story once where two mothers were folding and putting away laundry and some was for severely disabled children…. and the one mother said “look at the socks, so white, so clean….” and the other mother couldn’t see the issue at first….but the woman said “they never run, they never play, they never get dirty…..” As mother’s we need to count everything as a blessing….. where there is noise, there could be silence…. where there are dirty socks, there could be a wheel chair…..where there are crumbs, there could be a feeding tube…. take joy instead…..the days fly by.
Living in the Shoe says
Thank you SO much for this, June! It definitely helps to see how blessed we are with healthy children.
Julia Shetler says
My eyes are all watery. I can relate with it all. Thanks, I needed this!
Living In The Shoe says
Cara, I’ve struggled with this too. All of my children inherited the packrat gene from their father and I don’t completely want to squelch it because sometimes those “treasures” come in handy. And what’s the fun of being a kid if you can’t have any treasures? 😉 However, after I picked up that note, we went on to finish cleaning the room . . . but my tone was a little softer and my blood pressure had went down. I still like to have their rooms orderly, but allow treasures with each of them having “treasure boxes”, etc. Don’t know if this answers your question.
Twila Peachey Smucker says
Wow, very convicting, Kendra! I can so relate to the frustration of children who don’t seem to care about a clean room and I too often allow my blood pressure to rise about it!
Michelle D says
I too get frustrated with boys rooms that look like a tornado went through. Then I remember my sister in law who had two sons that got killed within nine months. I’m sure she would put up with some messy rooms to have them back.
Living in the Shoe says
Oh, that is so heartbreaking! I know I’m not thankful enough for the healthy children God has seen fit to let me have.