My answer:
I don’t have one. Yet.
I’m waiting for all the advice you will give me! Seriously, this is something I know Lowell and I have discussed, but not at great lengths since our oldest isn’t even twelve yet. And if we did decide something, um…..I’m afraid I’ve forgotten it. We’ll call it pregnancy brain at the moment.
I was nineteen and a half when we started dating and a month from being 21 when we got married, with Lowell being a year older. Looking back, it still feels like we were so young. Yet who starting out doesn’t feel that way?
Personally, I’d like my children to be able to go into some kind of short-term mission work before they settle down. Lowell was able to go to Haiti on a mission trip before we got married, but I never did. I’ve always wished I could have had that chance to see for my own eyes what conditions others live in and how I truly might have helped them.
Your answers:
I’d love to know what you and your husband have come up with regarding dating. Sure, this might be a little premature considering the ages of our children, but honestly, sixteen – eighteen – twenty aren’t all that far away.
Have or will you set a dating age for your children? Or does it depend on the circumstances or maturity level of your child?
Thank you!
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pandorasjen79 says
My oldest is only 7 so it’s something that I think we will be talking about in the next couple years but don’t feel the need to right now. Besides, he’s just going to marry my best friends daughter lol. That’s all they talk about. They even have their kids named and she has their wedding planned 🙂
I know for myself, my dad didn’t want me dating until I was, pretty much age I am right now lol. But I started dating at 16. My mom didn’t have an opinion on age, she just wanted me to choose wisely.
I know that I don’t want them dating before 16 and I want to make sure they know certain things before hand but nothing set in stone yet.
Kendra Graber says
LOL That should be an easy wedding to plan since half of it is done already! 🙂
Carolyn says
Ok, I’m going stick my neck out and give my answer. I’m sure that everyone else who follows me will have a different answer based on their own experiences. 🙂 For our boys (now 10.5 yrs), we’ve said that they need to be 18. Why? Well, first off, we don’t want them to feel peer pressure (if there will be any) of ‘needing’ to have a ‘girlfriend’. We want them to enjoy being teenagers and focus on group activities in their social circle; if they need to, they can simply ‘place the blame’ on their parents as a way to escape from peer pressure. Secondly, we feel that boys need more time to mature than girls (typically) do. For our girls, now 7 and 4, we most likely will say age 16. This being said, my husband and I started dating each other when I was 16 and he was 19; we married a few months before I turned 20. Looking back, I do see that I ‘missed out’ on doing more girl-things because we were dating. One blessing we did have was that he was away at college for three of these years and this allowed our relationship to grow slowly. Each family will need to make their own decisions, based upon their children’s respective needs. I know that I certainly do not want my daughters seeking out a boyfriend at an early age “just because Mom started dating when she was 16.” I desire that my children would wait patiently for the Lord to bring the right person into their lives in His time, and we have even told our children from a young age that we would rather they never marry at all than to marry someone who is not the person God desires for them.
Kendra Graber says
Thank you, Carolyn! I love your last sentence:
“I desire that my children would wait patiently for the Lord to bring the right person into their lives in His time, and we have even told our children from a young age that we would rather they never marry at all than to marry someone who is not the person God desires for them.”
Anonymous says
It will be at least 18 at our house. I think each child is different, and while I am SO glad I didn’t get married before I was 22, there may be girls who are ready younger. We pray that our children see beyond their small community and our family life to the needs of this broken world, and because some of that is more easily experienced before marriage, I hope they don’t rush into it. You don’t want a 19 year old with tunnel vision. 🙂 But if love happens it’s not always easy to have set rules and ages….. I’ve heard people who married very young say it is better because you don’t experience all the crushes and options and feel as dissatisfied when things don’t go as well as you dreamed in marriage. And yes, I agree that marriage shouldn’t be the ultimate focus. Being who God calls you to be comes first. Fun discussion,Kendra. ~Luci~
OrchidsandLaundry says
We have 9 kids aged 10 -25 . One is married . She started dating shortly before she was 19 and married at 19, 10 mos. later. We do not feel the age is as important as the maturity level. That being said , we would not allow it until 18 unless it was some kind of exceptional circumstances. it is much more important that you , as a parent,know that they are spritually ready for a committment and to handle the responsibility of marriage.Therefore most girls will be ready before boys as their role in the marriage is not the one of leadership. We have not set an absolute age, believing that if we and they are following God’s we will be open to His timing and be able to trust that.
Along with that, we do not believe in long courtships . if they are ready to court they are ready to marry and should do so as soon as they are certain this is the one. If they can not tell that in a short amount of time they are not ready for a relationship at all. (unless schooling or service delays the marriage)
There is a lot of thinking that one needs to see and experiencee a lot of other things before marriage. I’m not sure we agree with that. Certainly it is good if they can but it should not be a reason to delay courtship or marrige but rather something they are strongly encouraged to do IF they are not courting.
Our sons who are 23 and 25 have both spent a lot of time on the mission field in mexico and throughout Asia. I am very glad they did and could but we encouragd them to do this before they were old enough for marriage and then since because they were not in a relationship,not in place of a relationship. One is now waiting and praying with a girl, at her father’s request,until she finishes an internship of service .
Anyhow that’s our thoughts from a family in the middle of it. 🙂