I’ve reached a point that I thought perhaps I might not come to for a while yet. And when I see Lowell heading for his computer to read this, I may just split on out and visit my greenhouse or something.
Shame on me, I know. But he will probably smile that sweet smile which says “I’ve been telling you that for quite a few years now.” So why am I even posting this publicly? Do I really like swallowing that humble pie that tastes like sawdust in my mouth? Can’t say that I really do . . . all I know is that sometimes it’s freeing to think something over out loud.
You’re probably thinking “Well get on with it, lady, what is the point you are talking about?” I’ll get there. I have a little wandering to do first.
Think back over your life while I think on mine. Do you see a pattern of seasons in it? I most certainly do. I had the really, really long season of sleepless nights, feedings every 2 hours, projectile baby poop that ran down a wall, myriads of peanut butter sandwiches and sippy cups that must be half water, half juice. Half water, half juice. I could probably do that in my sleep. What was that supposed to do anyway? Save only half of the poor kid’s teeth?!
Then we hit the season of school. Driving kids to and from and from and to and on and on. With more babies in the back seat yelling at the injustice of having their 2-hour feeding schedule rearranged – all because of some little second and third graders with backpacks. Life got reversed. Breakfast actually had to have a schedule to it and naptime didn’t. What was up with that?
These two seasons were the ones that were the most tiring. It seemed like we gave of ourselves all hours of the day and night and all days of the week . . . and then hoped that our kids would actually turn out good. It was like watching skinny little seedlings emerge from the soil and you hold your breath to see if they will keep on growing into mature plants. You do alot of holding your breath and are sometimes tempted to turn away at just the moment when that spurt of growth shows an actual result to all your work. Truthfully, the results could be comparable to the size. Compare a 24″ princess in fake high heels to a strapping 5′ 10″ young man whose goal is to dunk a basketball. Results must start little.
Yet we did our best with the knowledge we had at the moment – which is still what we are doing, and relying on the grace of God to cover the rest! Even in all that work, this season was awesome. Life revolved around us and our littles – nobody was going hither and yon. Our lives weren’t really complicated and going different directions.
Then I hit the season of a little more freedom. I had spent the previous decade either pregnant, almost pregnant, or nursing. And I LOVED that time in my life. But seasons change and I was forced to accept that I was getting older. Yet it brought many pleasures and one of those was more free time without interruptions. The kids could actually work. Let me repeat that because it is vital information that 10 years ago I wasn’t entirely sure I’d see. The kids could actually work. Work as in clean the house, do the laundry, clean the car, clean the shop, and even cook a few things. They could call on the phone, tie their own shoes, set mouse traps, and even drive. One day you wake up and realize you can go to the grocery store all by yourself. That’s freedom, folks.
This freedom did something. I began to look outside of my little home, now that it wasn’t relying so heavily on me. And God began to open my eyes to those around me. I saw people I could love, pray for, and be a friend to. It was a season where I saw God use my husband and I in ways I would never have imagined. And it was rewarding, but I will be honest, it was also tiring.
More recently, by the time January rolled around, I had been doing several outside things such as teaching music, subbing periodically at school, helping with mail, and working a few hours at a bulk store. And I loved it. But I was drained.
You see, therein lies the problem. I love doing too many things for too many people. There. That is the point that I was trying to make in all this blathering. That is why I may be sulking in the greenhouse by the time somebody reads this – eating my humble pie. But it’s true. I honestly have a hard time saying no when I know someone needs me. It’s called “being a softie”.
But sometimes we softies must choose to be honest with ourselves. It recently hit me that I love taking care of my little castle. And not everyone has this choice and are in other seasons, but I did have this choice. I realized that I was having so much fun at home with the snow falling outside my kitchen window while I was making some new recipes and learning how to make 5-day sourdough bread. Who doesn’t like to sip hot coffee while gazing at their lovely sourdough starter as it does it’s wonderfully magical bubbly thing? It was actually fun to be planning my grocery shopping day with the little guy and sewing while I listen to sermons on youtube. I felt peaceful.
Then I had this thought.
Will I ever be able to do anything really well if I do not take care of the special people in my life really well?
They are my calling right now, so they are where I need to put my main amount of energy. This is the season I am in presently. I have them all home yet for only another year or two, and then they will begin to fly.
Next year the littlest guy will enter kindergarten and I will be left all alone. Whatever will I do? This sweetheart is with me almost everywhere I go. When I go to the store to work a few hours, he is there helping, too. Or fussing. When I go teach music, he is there as well – in the class with the big kids. When I do my 7-minute workout, he is there doing better pushups than I could ever hope to do. We snuggle on the couch in the afternoon, sometimes watching a movie while the big kids are gone. He holds my hand at the grocery store – unless he is feeling too big. We share Coke and chocolate. In truth, he is my little buddy – my trusty sidekick. When he leaves for school, I will probably be found wandering the house talking to him, only to turn around and find he isn’t there.
Some of you homeschool and probably can’t relate to this post. I understand and part of me envies you. Were I a homeschooling mom, I would be in yet another season – but God is in every season! This is key. God uses each season to teach us different lessons that perhaps can only be learned well by going through that particular season. As long as I remain willing to learn and to change.
Seasons are necessary in order for us to learn new concepts and become more like Christ.
When the season of being a mother-in-law hits and grannyhood rolls around, I will learn yet even more things I never knew. But I’m thinking those will be pleasant lessons, right? If the lessons come with squishy, cute grandkids, it must be pleasantness all around!
Do I still love it when God shows me someone I can help outside the home? Absolutely. It is amazing to have the Spirit guide your footsteps both in the home and outside of it. People are precious to God everywhere – no matter what they’ve come through or the state they are in when they come to Him. Therefore, people are precious to me.
Am I learning to say no to a request outside the home if it interferes with my family and calling there? I’ll be honest – I’m still in the learning stage. It’s humbling at times to be reminded of this inclination to always want to please others, but if I remain teachable, it makes this humble pie so much easier to swallow.
It also makes it easier to come out of the greenhouse.
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betsythesimplelifeofaqueen says
Yes. I can relate to these words. I am at the empty nest, grandchildren far away stage and although I do have more time to do things out of the house now, there is still plenty to be done at home for my husband. I am blessed to be able to stay at home and do these things and also have a bit more time for “me” things. Like my knitting group on Tuesday mornings. In the early days I never thought the time would arrive when I would actually be able to have an entire morning to myself each week to meet with other ladies and knit and visit. But it has arrived!
Blessings,
Betsy
Kendra says
Thank you, Betsy! It is so good to hear from older women – those who have come through more seasons. I appreciate this!
Shaunda says
I can easily identify with your words here. 🙂 I am also on a steep learning curve in this area myself. I believe it is a lie of the age that “important people are maxed out people”.
I hope that as my children grow older and more independent that I will continue to make them my highest priority rather maxing myself out with other things that make me tired and grouchy at the end of the day. I hear over and over again that older children take more emotional energy. I want to have enough margin in my own life to be able to absorb their growing emotional and spiritual needs.
Of course, the other side is that we are called to be servants and to serve outside of our homes at times. I don’t want to raise my family to be a completely self absorbed unit.
Kendra says
You have some very good points here!! I, too, want to instill a servant’s heart in my children, along with a healthy balance to maintain their own relationship with God.
Diana says
Ach, this was funny! I could have written the same article myself, many times. I have the same problem of saying yes too much! However, the lessons learned can be brutally effective, just because the fallout is so bad whenever I do. I am slowly learning to say no to almost everything, because life at home with five littles is overwhelmingly exhausting and takes everything that I have (and more). Thank you for these good reminders!! I shall join you in the greenhouse! 🙂
Kendra says
Nice to have some company! 😉
Donna Wray says
Believe it or not, I can relate to all you are saying too. It brings back so many memories! But I am on the other side now. We now have no parent to care for, as my mother passed in Oct.. Now I can start doing more things with grandchildren and family again besides responsibilities in the church and others around me. As you get older it gets a little easier to say “no”, clearly because your body won’t let you do it all! Blessings,
Kendra says
Thanks, Mom! I personally know how much you have done for others….and hope you are getting some rest, too. Love you!
sheri says
With 5 children (one special needs) under 12 this is something I toss back and forth alot in my mind! So does it make a difference what we say “no” too? I never felt resentment toward my parents if they were busy with church stuff, but if they were too busy because of hobbies, there was where I struggled with bitterness. I still struggle with hard feelings when people say “no” to committees and workdays and the jobs gets dumped on people who have more children, more responsibilities, and already are doing so much! I often wonder what would Jesus say yes to and no to as a modern day mom?
Kendra says
I agree it is hard to accept when people are saying no to church responsibilities. And we should never shirk them. It always gives my heart a little pleasure when I ask somebody to teach for me in Sunday school or some other activity, and they willingly answer “sure!” And I know there are things that to me are hobbies and fads that I simply pick and choose what I will get into, such as essential oil parties, etc. We can’t do them all! Thanks for your thoughts.