Is Facebook something I should continue? Can God use it for good or is it destroying me?
Before I begin, please know this is a very personal post. I am not talking about you here, this is about me. It isn’t even about my husband – he doesn’t struggle with the same things that I do. Sounds egotistical, but I want no one to think I am accusing them of anything. I am just trying to be honest with my own heart.
Anyhow . . .
A month or two ago, I took my Facebook app off of my phone. I was realizing how easy it was for me to pick it up and mindlessly scroll through it. So I left it that I would mostly use it on my laptop.
Then a couple weeks ago, I sat down to my laptop and browsed Facebook. Within what seemed a few minutes, I looked at the clock and was shocked to find I’d wasted at least 20 minutes! Now you are probably saying “well that’s not that much time!” But what shocked me even more was that I went away from there completely empty-handed. Not one piece of valuable information or spiritual encouragement had come before my eyes – that I can remember anyway. I felt empty. Literally.
Is Facebook for Me?
I began to be burdened and usually this means the Spirit is putting something on my heart in a very uncomfortable way. It wasn’t long before I realized I needed to do some serious praying about this. Did God want me to quit Facebook or continue it? The question wasn’t what did I want to do, but what did He truly desire for me with my season in life and my personal weaknesses.
Psalm 18:30 “As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.”
That verse hangs above my sink and it is something that I am learning to love. I trust Him to have the better way, even if it means I lay down personal agendas and rights to bitterness or control. I wanted to do this His way. Yet I knew that good can come from a social media platform like this, so I was curious what God was going to show me. In fact, my husband was recently in a discussion where good did indeed come from it.
So I kept on praying . . .
I am an analytical person – in the fact of liking numbers, charts, and diagrams. So I decided to do the analytical thing and write up the pros and cons that I could find for Facebook in my life.
This is where it gets hard.
Being honest with myself is never pleasant. But as a wife and mother, what was Facebook doing for me? With my own personal faults and battles, was it helping or hindering me? Would God be able to be more glorified if I continued it?
So let’s see what we have . . .
Pros:
I can see all the pictures from our families back east and far away. I do love these pictures, but maybe this is just my selfish way of “hearing from” them, instead of taking the time to call or text them directly? That’s one I’ll have to think over.
Our church ladies have a useful page that shares information on what is going on with various meetings, programs, the sewing, prayer requests, etc. Yet does it matter if I am one step behind on information? Besides, we also have a great hotline system that comes to four phones in our household. *gasp**that’s alot of phones
I enjoy following certain ministries and getting their articles that way. Most of those I sign up for their email newsletters or have them in my sticky tab on my browser. So that works, too!
There is some good information out there, although you must wade through quite a bit of “non-good”. Sometimes I forget where it is that I can get the best information for living in this dark world – the Word of God.
I can pray for those who are hurting. Absolutely this is a pro!
Perhaps this is a way I can show Jesus to those around me. Yes, this is a good pro! But am I missing the people right in front of me by trying to be Jesus on Facebook?
I absolutely LOVE the pictures of sweet babies that I personally know. These are usually the babies that I get to squeeze at church . . . and holding them close is no comparison to Facebook pictures!
There is good encouragement to be gotten at times from people I respect. And this is true.
Now for the other side of the scale . . .
Cons:
It can be a huge time waster. This is a fault of my own. Anything can be a huge time waster and what that is for me will be different from you. But Facebook tends to drag me there.
It has the potential to make me run through a roller coaster of emotions, just by posts and comments that I read. I’ve run through anger at stuff I read that directly opposes the Word of God; self-worth that can be affected either by many likes or not enough; disappointment in what others have said or even liked there; and sadness in what I have seen some of my acquaintances becoming. Out of these emotions, disappointment is probably the biggest one. . . . but keep reading, it’s not just about others.
I have felt shame and disappointment in myself for inappropriate comments and likes that I have made on Facebook. I’ve had to ask myself “Is that really what a woman of God would do or say? And would I do it while looking into their eyes?” Sadly the answer has sometimes been “no.” I’ve not always watched my tongue via media and I am mightily ashamed of it.
There is too much senseless drama. Sometimes it felt like I have invited my Facebook newsfeed into my head while I am trying to wash dishes, play a game with my kids, or hold a conversation in my living room. My disappointment, worry, and anger over news on Facebook have sometimes spilled out into relationships with my family. Just where did Philippians 4:8 fit in those times I was washing dishes with my head in Facebook-land?
Facebook takes the effort out of relationships. A friend told me this recently, in her own words, and I am realizing what a gem of truth she had hit upon. Instead of posting something, it would be better to be looking you in the eye and seeing the smile or the tears as we talk about it. Or even a phone call with voice inflections – and simply the act of putting personal time into your life. It might be harder, yes – but more rewarding. God knows it’s good for me to have people sitting on my couches drinking coffee than having more people in my newsfeed. For my own spiritual health, I need to get down into the trenches with the hurting and be there in person to hold up the hands of the feeble. I need them more than they need me.
At times, I have been more concerned with what is going on in other people’s lives . . . than with what is going on in the heart of this honorable man I married and in these precious children I brought into this world. Honestly, this is the one that hits home the most. Facebook has the huge potential to turn my eyes not only off of God, but away from my family and out of my home. It doesn’t only have the potential, it has succeeded in doing it. I Timothy 5:9 “And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.” This has been me way too much and way too often – idly wandering about looking into others lives when I’d be better off looking directly in front of me and at the little hands that slip into mine. I can’t fight others’ battles, but by the grace of God, I can and I will fight the ones within my home and within my own heart.
And folks, that is the clincher for me.
I said this was personal and I hope it came across that way. You will not struggle in exactly the areas I do and may be able to compartmentalize things better and not let them affect you. *Hint: have you ever noticed men are great at this?! Sometimes I envy my husband. In fact, I don’t expect him to do the same as me, because this is not a struggle for him.
When I am honest with myself, it is not hard to know what it is that takes my focus off of my Lord and King and turns my eyes away from the calling as wife and mother that He has given me at this time. Perhaps when I am a grandma and have finally matured, plus married off my sweet kiddos . . . then I will come back to the Facebook world.
But for now, this is good-bye to Facebook.
If you want to know what is going on in our lives, you can visit here on the blog – it is my heart, crumpled and bewildered at times that it is. And to those who live here, I want you to know it only takes me about 7 minutes to make french pressed coffee. And cookies always live in my freezer!
Thanks for listening to my heart! God bless you all.
Just a note: for those following the Shoe and TIW on our facebook page, we will keep that open for posting articles, etc. I will soon set up a generic account to manage it. So you still won’t miss anything from the Shoe or TIW! But my personal account will go away. Thanks!
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Regina S says
I hear you on Facebook. I had it in it’s infancy but it was too much with people wanting to friend me or join this cause and yada yada yada so I disabled my account after about a month. Back then there wasn’t all the drama that it is now. Facebook has become a haven for all sorts of evil. I’ve thought about getting FB back but your post has confirmed that I shouldn’t because yesterday, a young woman with cerebral palsy shared how cruel Facebook has become. I know I’m missing out on some nice groups that require FB but I don’t need the ugliness that goes along with it. Even some blogs have become like Facebook because the blog authors like drama on their blogs or just don’t care. I love having my blog and I love my blog readers. I like being able to monitor the comments but even I need to watch my time in this area too.
Anyway, I’m rambling now and I have a post on my blog I need to finish. Thank you for sharing your heart regarding Facebook.
Kendra says
You are welcome! I, too, enjoy hearing comments on the blog – seems more personal. 😉
Betsy says
Kendra, I admire your honesty in this post so much. I have dillied and dallied over whether or not I should remain on Facebook. And I am that grandma who has no children at home who would have time for it. It is the not very edifying things that I read on there sometimes that make me squirm. Honestly one of the main reasons I stay on Facebook is because our youngest child lives in Japan. He posts photos and things about his business on Facebook that I can’t see anywhere else. It’s a way of keeping in touch with him. But I’m limiting my time on Facebook to once a week or so because it is a time drian. Again, I thank you for your thoughts and your honesty today.
Blessings, Betsy
Kendra says
You are welcome! It’s wonderful to hear a grandma’s take on it, too. 😉
Rhoda Martin says
This post is truly a godsend. Thank you so much for sharing your heart! FB has been a bumpy ride the short time I’ve been on it and I’ve been seeking Gods will in staying or leaving and asking for others advice. Your words here pushed me the last inch to my decision. God bless you!
Kendra says
You are so welcome, Rhoda!! 🙂
Denise says
You have mirrored my thoughts, Kendra. I have never opened a FB account, for many of the same reasons you have written about, and don’t feel as though I’ve missed anything. You might be interested in an article I read recently: “The Tech Industry’s War on Kids: How psychology is being used as a weapon against children” (https://medium.com/s/story/the-tech-industrys-psychological-war-on-kids-c452870464ce).
Kendra says
Thanks for the link!! Be glad you didn’t even start….. I found out Facebook keeps a complete record of every move you make on there. That in itself is disturbing. I will try to read that link soon!
Crystal Plummer says
Thank you so much for this. I have struggled with Facebook for quite some time – I leave then go back and leave again. I’m on it now but have really been thinking about just leaving. You put things into words that I have struggled to do so. I have shared your post on my FB page and told my friends and family that I am deleting my account on Monday (have a few loose ends to tie up first!). No more deactivating and coming back – It’s going to be gone for good. I need it to be. And I thank you for the push in the right direction! God bless!!
Kendra says
Bless your heart!! I, too, didn’t want to do the back and forth thing….. I don’t think I will regret this. I doubt you will either! God bless.
Cindy Anderson says
This is my first time on your blog, I’ve come over from Plain Keeper at Home and Mountain Top Spice. My time spent on Facebook is also something that I occasionally take to the Lord. I am a grandma ( my 3 daughters are grown) but I still spend too much time scrolling when I should be praying. You know, it didn’t even dawn on my to remove the app from my phone. Hello! Thank you for writing this. I will ask the Lord what He wants me to do about the app. (I look forward to reading about your family!)
Kendra says
The Lord is the best one to go to – His ways are not our ways! And welcome to the blog. 😉
Roksanna says
I gave up Facebook also a few years ago.
Kendra says
Thanks for this encouragement!
Roksanna says
🤗You’re welcome
Kendra B says
I found this post so encouraging. VERY rarely do you meet another sister who is willing to break away from Facebook when she finds it’s causing her to stumble. I empathize so much to all of your feelings. I gave up Facebook four years ago after the birth of my second child. It was absolutely worth it, and today I don’t regret it a bit. I had Facebook way back at the beginning when it was just picture sharing and writing on each other’s walls, *even then* I struggled with it as a time suck and even more so with “saying too much” on there. It became the hand that was causing me to sin (to run my mouth, to covet others, to be unrighteously angry, etc). Now it’s like this all-encompassing thing that I think many people believe they truly *cannot* exist without. I have received some weird looks and ill will for not having a presence on FB but to that I simply smile and nod. The main complaint from others seems to be, “I don’t like that it isn’t convenient or me to contact you; I don’t like that I have to make the effort to call/text/email.” It really wasn’t that long ago that this platform didn’t exist!! Social media has some great perks but the damage it’s done to our society and the rotten fruit it’s produced is so sad… I have certainly watched people become crueler, more hateful, tactless and mouthy with the takeover of FB. The superfluous stream of needless words spills over into “real life” and we are forgetting how to interact with people face-to-face in a godly way. It concerns me lately that many churches are primarily interacting and updating members about events through Facebook now. Instead of updating people on the church at the pulpit the people are impatiently waved away to “just check our Facebook page/join our Facebook group”. There’s a place for these online things, but I think it’s imperative to remember that not all of God’s children have a FB Page and many of our elderly even lack a computer. Anyway, I could go on and on!!! For me staying on Facebook became sin, I know it’s not that way for everyone. But I wish people would at least sit back and critically evaluate its effect on their life instead of just dismissing a hypothetical life without Facebook as “social suicide.” My best friend decided to get off Facebook last year, too, and it’s been so encouraging to have another pilgrim on this journey 😉 God bless you, Kendra, I always enjoy your posts!
Kendra says
Oh, wow! Perhaps you could have written this post better than I could have! 😉 You have brought up some very interesting points and while I haven’t had any friends tell me it’s harder to contact me, I realize what you say is true because I remember feeling this. Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement!
Dee says
Hi Kendra, I was searching your blog and found this post. High five to you!!! This is probably going to give you a giggle, but I still have a flip phone and have never had FB. I have a blog, but could see what was happening to my family and extended family regarding the likes and unlikes. I was told once by a lovely older woman I consider very close to the Lord say to me: Dee, stay away from that. It will bring you down. It won’t help you grow closer to the Lord. So I did. It’s terribly hard. My extended family back east forget I don’t have that and I don’t always hear what’s happening.
Truthfully, while I feel I am missing out…it’s more peaceful than getting caught in the drama. And I figure if it’s important, I will get a call or email. That’s the stuff I WANT to hear about.
God’s peace be with you,
Dee
Kendra says
Yes, I understand how you feel. And that woman’s advice was spot on!!